


Mere Christianity

by Reinbowalexandrite



Series: A Spectacle of Everyone But Me [1]
Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, April's POV, Canon Compliant, Canon Lesbian Character, Character Study, Christian Character, Closeted Character, Episode Related, F/F, F/M, Gen, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:34:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26491258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reinbowalexandrite/pseuds/Reinbowalexandrite
Summary: April knows she is a lesbian, she's even okay with it despite her bigoted community. But that doesn't mean she can come out.An in-depth in-canon character analysis of April Stevens, the Christian gay girl so many of us remember being. She crushes hard on girls and only girls. But nobody can know her secret. That is, until Sterling Wesley comes breezing back into her life with a kiss and so many dreams of a life together open and out.
Relationships: April Stevens/Sterling Wesley
Series: A Spectacle of Everyone But Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925962
Comments: 14
Kudos: 75





	1. Fellowship Leader

**Author's Note:**

> I was raised aggressively Christian and I know what performative religion feels like when you believe in God and you're in the closet. April Stevens is one of the only characters I have ever seen to be in the closet because she chooses to be and to live her life loving God and herself and hating her circumstances. Let's just say, I can relate.

As April flipped through the slideshow, she winced internally at the image of her dad on one knee looking as if he was proposing to her with her purity ring, the promise that she would save herself for her husband. She tried not to linger too long on the picture in front of the class. Her face in the photo betrayed her hidden pain at putting on the ridiculous charade. Much as she loved her father, and she truly did, his entitlement in the memory was clear. She was to marry a man, a good Christian man. And until then, she would be Daddy's little girl. Until then, she would belong to John Stevens, the captain of her family. And always, always, she had to be perfect, she had to win. She knew that her voice was getting pitchy and ingratiating, braggodocious with an air of the pious pomposity for which she was known. She had an image to uphold, that of the Christian girl who does mission work and discipleship weekends to be the closest to Jesus and to help others be close to him too. It wasn't that April didn't believe in the Bible. She absolutely did. She just, believed in God more. And everything in her told her that he loved her and he made her exactly as she was. But, no one could know her secret, and so she put on her show.

Without the show, she might be discovered as the broken and hurting person she was. If she didn't act like the best Christian and go after the highest achievements, presenting them as if she were a vapid housewife, people would know she had no hope and no intention of ever becoming such a thing. She cringed when she pronounced the words “pequitos ninos”. She loved Spanish and had become rather fluent in her Spanish class. But this wasn't school. This was Fellowship. And in Fellowship, smarts were not rewarded. Piety was celebrated, service of the less-fortunate and the lost. There was no time for honesty or humanity in a race to be the best Christian. It was all about the performance. Because if April was ever honest in Fellowship, she could out herself to the whole school.

The closet was a familiar place for April. Painful because she knew her hateful bigoted parents would absolutely disown her if she ever tried to come out. But familiar because, she was comfortable knowing that she crushed hard on girls. It was something that always was and always would be. She couldn't do anything to change it, nor did she really want to. Being gay was like breathing to April. She noticed girls, their enchanting eyes and soft faces. Their lips were distracting, their bodies a constant wonder. But she never acted on it, instead choosing to remain completely closeted from even her closest friends.

When Ellen asked April to sit down and finish up her presentation, her chest tightened. Ellen was announcing the new Fellowship Leader. Fellowship Leader was a position April had known she would need since she was in grade school. If she could be a leader, she could control the scrutiny on her and handle things if people started to suspect. She could have the status to shut down rumors the moment they were started. Pleased with Ellen's words describing a good Christian girl as being ideal for the position, April stood up to accept the position. 

“Sterling Wesley!” Ellen announced. April was immediately deflated and a little embarrassed. Looking around, she realized she had stood up too early seeming overeager and ridiculous. Then her eyes settled on her. Sterling Wesley. The one chosen for all things, an easy life of being straight, being godly and being popular. April made sure her own persona only allowed for followers rather than friends. Friends were too risky. 

She had tried having friends before. In fifth grade. Sterling had been her best friend. They had done everything together. They were on the same page all the time. Two Christian girls praying and reading their Bibles together, tag teaming the answers in Sunday School, holding hands and going on long walks just to talk about what was in their brains. They were about equally popular and similarly driven in their education. Sterling had loved quizzing April on Bible verses and April had loved doing spelling contests. They were on each others' level in every way.  
Looking into Sterling's bright curious blue eyes always made April feel warm inside. Her smile reached into the loneliest places of her soul and helped things seem brighter. April shook her head gently to pull herself out of the memory. 

When Sterling got Fellowship Leader, that smile was there, and under it, a hint of... was that guilt? April almost wanted to check in on Sterling, see how she was doing. She was using a lot of jargon... all the right words just like April, a performance. What could she possibly be hiding? April resolved that she would find out, even if it meant talking to Sterling again, for the first time since the fifth grade when Sterling gave her away to another friend group and walked out of her life forever.


	2. Congratulations, Sterling!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April discovers what is making Sterling so squirrely and decides to track down more evidence to make her case for why she should be Fellowship Leader. The twins are being weirder than usual and April's world is changed forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a great chapter summary but it's canon. There are so many infinitesimal little moments that tell me what April might be going through as a voluntarily closeted queer girl in an ultra-conservative society. I'm really excited about unearthing her motivations in the coming chapters.
> 
> I've seen some talk of April being problematic because she is in Young Republicans and a Straight-Straight Alliance. Since clearly the alliance is a front, I headcanon that she, as I did when I was a closeted Chrstian girl, has doubts about the full-on absolute nature of conservative Christian beliefs. She has questions. But she can't come out and ask them, she'll risk outing herself. So she pursues the knowledge covertly and under the pretense of fully believing everything you're "supposed to."

Without the Fellowship position, April knew she would have to work even harder to protect her secret. She had plenty of extracurriculars to distract her. Extracurriculars that felt required despite their elective status. Being gay in her town meant that she couldn’t explore her own thoughts very well. It was all God, all conservative all the time. There was little acceptance of liberals in her community, she would be treated as much like a leper as she would be if she were found in the closet. So she had found some… alternate venues through which to internally process her queerness while keeping her glowing reputation intact.  
Before her next class, April sat on the grass with Hannah B and Ezequiel, her back to the building. Ezequiel played on his phone while Hannah B played her guitar and sang. She could feel Sterling approaching before was even close. Because, ever since the day they had met, and even after Sterling gave her away, April had absorbed the knowledge of Sterling’s schedule. Often a curse for April who did not enjoy memory lane with the friend who abandoned her, today it was a blessing. Now was exactly the time every day that Sterling and that growth she called her twin sister always walked by April’s little grassy area. Without a word to Ezequiel or Hannah B, April got up, turned around and walked directly over to Sterling and Blair, her signature smirk settled haughtily on her face. 

Sterling had her hands hanging loose and her head tilted down as April studied her. “Congratulations on Fellowship, Sterling.” She elongated Sterling’s name patronizingly and told her that she thought that she was going to get the position herself. If they had still been friends, maybe she could have admitted her pain at losing the position. How much it meant to her to be a leader in their church community. What she stood to gain by having the position, even what she had lost by it being taken from her. But instead, she just listed all the extracurriculars she was already taking that would be keeping her very busy. Young Republicans was a way to be in good standing with her community while also learning politics. Forensics allowed April to debate things from multiple angles and form opinions on her own while still appearing sufficiently conservative for onlookers, despite having some doubts. Latin Club taught her how to study the Bible from its original language, this allowed her to understand the nature of mankind to misinterpret and helped her become closer to God. Through this she even recognized that he created her as she was, a lesbian and he would never smite her for it.

And the Straight-Straight Alliance. She said this with the straightest face she could muster, attempting a bigoted gleam in her eyes. Straight-Straight Alliance was her idea with Ezequiel and it was the best-kept secret in the school. A safe place for queer kids, the club’s genius was in that it never talked about attraction or feeling different but its selection process was highly sophisticated. It was a place for queers to talk to other queers about anything except for sex, it just wasn’t advertised that way. Bigots were ejected from the group immediately and always given reasons that they could not connect with their hatred for why they were booted. April loved her extracurriculars as they were the only fresh breath she allowed herself in her stunted backwards community. Because every single one of them could give her the appearance of exactly the straight conservative Christian housewife that she was expected to be.

Blair retorted something about the straights already being aligned but April barely noticed, her eyes locked on Sterling instead. “That’s really good for you April.” Sterling said as politely as she could. April wished she could tell Sterling of her genius in finding a safe place for herself amidst all the bigotry in their city. But that wasn’t possible.

“Yeah,” April replied wistfully. “It is.” She hoped the self-satisfaction on her face showed Sterling how much she didn’t need the Fellowship position. She couldn’t beg her for the position, she just had to accept that it wasn’t possible for her to have it and move on. Jennings, Blair’s obnoxious sentient mop of a boyfriend ran over to them and immediately began making out with Blair against Sterling’s back. Horrifically self-absorbed behavior aside, watching two people make out was always a point of disgust for April. They were so aggressive and open about their attraction to each other, and knowing that wasn’t possible for April, at least not for a very long time, always pissed her off. But before April could say anything about how gross it was, how unbecoming of Christians or whatever excuse she decided to give for needing the straightness out of her face in that moment, Sterling was pushed over the sidewalk by the distracted couple and dropped her bag on the ground.

April rolled her eyes as Blair took two seconds to apologize. Then rolled them even harder as Blair assured her entitled mophead that Sterling forgave him, and continued to be enamored with the greasy selfish dude-bro. April knelt down to help Sterling pick up her things, gently placing the items in the bag, her hand coming so close to Sterling’s she almost felt eleven again, holding hands with Sterling and talking about life together on a walk at recess, small hands warm and soft, fitting perfectly.

“Thanks.” Sterling said timidly, pulling April out of her sweet memory. April tried her best to ignore the pain she felt knowing that Sterling would think she wouldn’t help her when she was in need. She wished she could just say that she was happy to help an old friend, or a current friend, or even say something about how they never talked anymore. Sometimes being apart from Sterling was physically painful for April, but she would never let anyone know that. Life apart from Sterling was now inevitable and it was even worse when she was close because April knew they could never have what they used to.

“Yeah, you think I wouldn’t help a fellow…” the sun reflected off a small square piece of foil on the ground, buried underneath the rest of Sterling’s things. An opened condom wrapper. She lifted her eyes from the ground and right into Sterling’s bright blue ones. “Christian?” she finished breathlessly. This changed everything. The condom wrapper meant that goody-two shoes, Miss Popular, Miss Super-Straight-Had-the-Same-Boyfriend-Since-Sixth-Grade Sterling Wesley was sexually active. April ignored the drop in her stomach at the knowledge that Sterling had been touched like that. One of the main aspects of leadership was sexual purity. You could not be sexually active if you were going to be a leader, it was part of the requirements for the position. The guilty look Sterling had in Fellowship that morning had returned along with her small mouth gaping as April quickly snatched the wrapper. She tried to steady her breath. This wrapper meant that the position for Fellowship was rightfully hers. That she could have what she wanted and Miss Perfect would have to be held accountable for her actions. She continued to look Sterling in the eye as she stood up from helping her gather her stuff. Then she called after Jennings, the condom wrapper secure in her bag, her eyes never leaving Sterling’s.

April knew that a condom wrapper was circumstantial and wouldn’t hold up in the court of law. Thank you Forensics. But the look on Sterling’s face said she had been caught red-handed and even though Jennings had no further corroboration to provide regarding Sterling’s whereabouts that weekend, April played it off as if they were getting along, faking a laugh and looking back at Sterling, a hint of challenge in her stare. Sterling couldn’t have the position if she was breaking the rules. So April resolved that somehow, she would build a case against her and get her ousted from the position. She could be sexually active with her precious dumb boyfriend for all April cared. But she could not have April’s leadership position while having the audacity to lie about it to the entire school. 

After school, April met up with Ezequiel and Hannah B for Chick-Fil-A in the parking lot. She had no intention of telling them about the wrapper. Especially with the evidence being so sparse that it was Sterling’s. Plus, she needed to be able to control the outcome. She wasn’t necessarily trying to destroy Sterling’s reputation. She just needed to leverage the knowledge she now had in order to gain the title she needed to stay safe and in control.  
She could see Sterling’s smile plastered on her face from the other side of the parking lot as the twins approached her car. This usually meant Sterling needed something. But Blair’s quiet and toothy grin had April on high alert. Blair was always snarky with a permanent glower whenever she was around April. These girls were clearly trying to manipulate her, while she had dirt that could destroy them. She faced them with a look of disinterest. But when they started talking about her dad she caught them in their lie. April’s daddy had flown on his helicopter to Hiltonhead ten days ago and here they thought they could convince her that they had seen him at his office on Monday. Amateurs.

She called them out on the lie and strode forward, gripping Sterling’s arm to turn her around to face her. "I don't know what you tramps are up to, but I know you're lying." she said with a snarl. Her eyes bore into Sterling's searching out any reasons she would have to lie about working with April's dad. Sterling didn't miss a beat, rising to the challenge, her eyes never breaking from April's. April raised her eyebrows and cocked her head, smiling threateningly. "You don't want to mess with me." she let her lips fall into an challenging grin. "Honey." The moment hung before them, suspended in the tension. April saw a flicker of worry and an appreciative smirk in Sterling's smile. They always got competitive in discussions, even when they were young. April pushed away the familiar feeling and forced Her expression to seem more dangerous. "Stay away from my family." Sterling was unflappable and Blair was stupidly grinning next to her the entire time, clearly fighting the urge to retort as she was usually so apt to do. They wished Ezequiel and Hannah B a blessed night, turned and walked toward their car.

Feeling put out by the conversation and a little heady from her earlier semi-accidental flirtation, April decided to threaten Sterling more tangibly. She broke the rules, she had to pay. She asked Sterling what Ellen or the entire student body would think of her for what she had done while pursuing the position of church leadership. The condom wrapper in her hand. April had been building care packages for homeless teens all weekend. Since homelessness disproportionately affected LGBTQ teens, April felt a lot of empathy for them. All that stood between having a home and homelessness herself was likely anyone knowing she was gay. She was able to take care of those kids as a Christian without outing herself. But Sterling had it so easy and her pastimes were so much more selfish than April's. April deserved that spot. The girls walked away, speeding away in their car a few minutes later. Whatever they needed to do must have been insanely important for them to race out like that.

When April opened the door to her livingroom, a figure was hunched in the dark, head buried in her hands. April's mom. And though it was muffled, April could discern sobs.  
"Mama, what happened?" April asked anxiously, her hands coming to wrap around her mom in a gentle hug.

"It's your father, Darling. He's been arrested." April felt her mouth go dry, her stomach lurching, her eyes welling up with tears. Arrested. She knew her father could trend towards a violent streak at times. His self-righteous anger occasionally possessing him to grant a right hook to whoever he felt insulted him at the club. April didn't know what to do. She held her mom while her mom cried, unable to say what had happened. When she walked up to her bedroom, she took a look in the mirror, burst into tears and threw herself on her bed, her whole world falling apart around her.

Now she desperately needed the Fellowship position. If she was to quell any rumors, she would need that position of power and every little thing that came with it. Being in the closet was a stronger need than ever because now, the entire community would be watching her every move, scrutinizing her every waking moment.  
There was no other option. 

She pulled the condom wrapper out of her purse, placed it in a Ziploc bag and sealed it, sealing Sterling Wesley's fate along with it.


	3. Don't Pretend Like you Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life gets more dangerous for April when she discovers the reason for her father's arrest. Sterling refusing to resign is making things much more difficult. Leaving April terrified without the assurance of the Fellowship position to steer the rumors. But she has to admit, she does enjoy Sterling challenging her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to capture April's emotions for the Sunday she was gone and the rumors were running rampant about her dad. I just wanted to post this because I kept having to postpone. I have been going through a lot lately. Lost my dad this past week. I might still post chapter 4 soon but idk when. 
> 
> This story is intended to follow April's experience of canon. I think I will continue the story after thr lock-in. But I intend to explore April's feelings through everything. I wanted to write a chapter per ep. But it looks like it will be two chapters per ep. So next chapter will deal with Sterling owning her sins and then I will just figure it out from there.
> 
> It's slow-moving but April has A LOT to process. This is a story about April and then about Stepril. I will totally get to the romance when it gets here. 
> 
> Thank you for the encouragement and for reading this. I love April Stevens and just want to do her the full justice she deserves in her own story.

The first thing April learned the next day was where her father was arrested. He was at the lake house. Not Hilton Head. April fought against tears. The memory of him kissing her cheek and boarding his helicopter ten days ago weighed heavy now. He'd lied to her.  
The second thing she learned was the reason he was arrested. Apparently, he had skipped bail the weekend before and been caught by bounty hunters. April hadn't even known he went to jail.

But the most horrific thing she learned was of the violence that led to his first arrest. He didn't just lose his temper with some other alpha male at the club and punch him out. His temper instead flared when he met with a sex worker and pummelled her beyond recognition. He had used his fists in a blind and self-righteous rage, deeming his morals superior to a random woman who he paid for sex. So staunch was he in his belief that prostitutes were less-than-human that he broke what April had once believed was her dad's cardinal rule. He had sworn that no matter how easily he could lose his temper, he would never ever lay a hand on a woman.

In the nights as a young child while April struggled privately with accepting that she had crushes on girls, she knew how her dad felt about gays. Abominations, he always said. Abhorrent sinners who would burn in hell. And whenever he would say that, April would try to hide her involuntary wince against his angry rhetoric. But she took bittersweet solace in his promise that he could never be brought to violence against women. They were the weaker sex after all and it wouldn't be a fair fight.

Knowing now that he had sought out, paid for, and assaulted a woman, all the air let out from April's lungs and she fought hard against hyperventilating. Both of her parents had shown themselves to be bigots over the years but until this moment, April had always believed she would be kept safe from her father's violence.

She had often imagined one day telling her parents that she was only interested in dating and marrying girls. And before, it was dread of the awkward cold shoulder, the painful apathy towards her, the nonchalant slurs that would be constantly used against her, even the possibility of being thrown out of her house or sent to a conversion camp that deterred her from sharing her deepest secret. But now, she was frozen in fear imagining how her father's eyes would light with fury and how he would let loose all his anger and hatred into her as a symbol of all that he despised of the world, leaving physical scars on her body to remind her of his absolute disgust for decades to come. Now that he beat up this woman, it didn't seem a far jump that if April upset him enough, with her audacity to love who she loved, he would turn his violence against her.

April excused herself from the table and went upstairs to her room. She stared into the mirror, focused on controlling her breathing and started to lose her composure. She prayed fervently in her heart, mind screaming out to God for comfort. She knew he wasn't angry with her for being gay. He had made her that way. But John Stevens wasn't big on forgiveness despite his reputation as a pillar of piety in their community. So she tried to cast her fears onto God and begged him to keep her separate and safe from the man.

She did this through the rest of the weekend. As tears poured from her eyes, April mourned the man she thought she knew. He was always proud of her accomplishments and supported her when she worried about being good enough. He demanded perfection, but the consequences for falling short were less pride and affection, not less safety.

She pulled out the condom wrapper in the baggy. Staring at it, losing focus as her mind drifted back to when she picked it up. This little piece of evidence could help her get the position in Fellowship that was, not only rightfully hers, but also, an absolute imperative for her future survival. It was the only way she could get ahead of the rumors about her father and be instantly aware of any possible discussions about her sexuality. It was the only way to escape John Stevens' wrath if he ever found out about her. She had a lot more plausible deniability on her side if she could just have that position of leadership. Then she could force the spotlight onto her when she wanted it, and send it wherever else as needed. Fellowship would give her a fighting chance at convincing her father, a violent and hateful bigot, that his sweet daughter was 100% straight.

By the time Monday came around, April was still a wreck. She went into Fellowship late, beaten down by a weekend of turmoil and pain. Rolling her shoulders back, holding her head high, she opened the door to the ending prayer, led by Sterling.

“…Awaken us, especially our brothers and sisters in need… like April. No matter when she comes back, if at all, ever, bless her wherever the winds may take her.” For just a second April stopped in her tracks, wanting to believe the prayer was earnest. She knew though not to believe that she was thought of or considered. The last time she had believed Sterling cared about her, she had given her away. Instead, April sauntered in antagonistically and interrupted the prayer.

“Touching.” she smirked, her voice dripping with sarcasm and challenge. Interestingly her speaking up caused Sterling to stutter, it would have been cute if it wasn't so clearly a ploy to save face in front of the others in Fellowship. She dropped some nonsense about having a stomach bug and an excuse for her dad's disappearance. A long work trip to Tokyo. She knew the rumors had spread in her absence and now, the most she could do was damage control. Her friends fawned over her but walked out with the rest of the group, leaving her alone with Sterling.

“I'm really glad you're feeling better, April.” Sterling's voice sounded dewey sweet like it did when she led prayers at Fellowship. Disingenuous, fake, a performance like April. It seemed Sterling had been going through the motions a lot lately. April called her out on her lack of any real empathy and again pulled out the condom wrapper. Surprisingly, it seemed the move annoyed Sterling more than scared her.

“Are you preserving that?” she asked, eyes squinting and eyebrows furrowing in disbelief. April held the condom wrapper with her thumb and forefinger on the very corner of the baggy she'd sealed it in, keeping it away from her body, disgusted by its contents. April couldn't divulge the real reason she was preserving the wrapper. Sterling couldn't know she was gay anymore than she could know that April was worried that if she wasn't Fellowship leader she couldn't protect herself from the rumors. Especially now that her father was known to be in prison. She couldn't tell Sterling that she kept it because it was her only chance at some semblance of control, some sliver of hope in the midst of everything she was going through and could go through if she was ever discovered to like girls. She made an excuse about herpes, which wasn't too far from the truth. Knowing a condom wrapper was in her bag really grossed her out, but she did what she had to.

“Resign as Fellowship Leader by Friday, or this puppy goes wide.” She sauntered away from Sterling hoping she would feel threatened enough by the possibility of her indiscretions being shared with the world. April didn’t want to take the Fellowship position by force, instead, merely by suggestion.

The next day, April had to come to school late because her mom needed her to be there while she handled the lawyer, moral support or something. April dressed in her best school clothes, a black pencil skirt and a light blue button up. She let her hair fly in its natural curls when she had to rush to get to school during lunch. It was the best option for avoiding missing any further school just because of her dad’s arrest.

Everywhere she looked, the school was abuzz with gossip. Phones were beeping and vibrating and the chatter was so much louder than usual. April’s head throbbed as she approached the table with Ezekiel and Hannah B. They were also whispering. When she asked them what was going on, Ezekiel’s face lit up conspiratorialy.

“You haven’t heard? Tammy Dewitt found a love glove in Woodshop--” he stifled his laughter at the sheer scandal of the gossip.  
Hannah B chimed in “No, it was Horny Lorna in Gym and it wasn’t just one, it was a box.” April’s mind spun.

“This is the weirdest game of Clue ever…” she mused. “I don’t understand.” Then she saw her. Lit by the glow of the circular school logo, back straight and a smug look set on her face. The logo looked almost like a halo around Sterling as she stared back at April, her eyes challenging and intense. April felt a wave through her body of intense fury and… something else. She had spent the night trying to figure out how to leverage her knowledge of Sterling’s indiscretions without outing her. Something about outing Sterling for sexual activity when her own biggest fear was being outed didn’t quite sit right with April. But she could pretend and maybe that would force Sterling’s hand. Now, that felt a little generous since she was playing this game of wits with April.

But, April had to admit, she enjoyed the distraction from her homelife and that look in Sterling's eye, infuriating and confusing as it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Would love to hear your comments and thoughts. I really want to continue this because I really get April in a way I have never gotten another character. Because man have I been there.
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr @doyourpatellasquiver to talk TBH, Stepril, April Stevens, wonder twins, queerness in a religious community, the struggle of being queer and Christian while everyone tells you God hates you and you know he doesn't, anything. This show and this fandom are amazing!


End file.
